Life Does Get Better

MELANCHOLY 

I’m sad. 
No, I’m not sad,
I’m something deeper than that,
I can’t find the right word anywhere,
A word to express this pain I feel in my chest,
It’s almost as if something is choking me,
Holding on to my lungs, stopping me from breathing,
Is there a word to describe that feeling,
No, I guess not

I’m in anguish. 
No, I’m not in anguish,
I’m in something deeper than that,
I can’t find the right word anywhere,
A word to describe this feeling of just being,
It’s almost as if I’m floating around, not really aware of what’s happening around me,
It’s like my life is some type of movie and I’m watching,
Is there a word to describe that,
No, I guess not

I’m in despair 
No, I’m not in despair,
I’m in something deeper than that,
I can’t find the right word anywhere,
A word that captures this ache in my heart,
This longing for someone, anyone to see me; to help me,
It’s like I’m sinking and no one realizes,
Is there a word to describe that,
No, I guess not

I’m sad. 
No, I’m not sad,
I’m something deeper than that,
I can’t find the right word anywhere,
A word to express this pain I feel in my chest,
It’s almost as if something is choking me,
Holding on to my lungs, stopping me from breathing,
Is there a word to describe that feeling,
No, I guess not

I wrote this at a time in my life when I was consistently sad, and the strangest part was that I often couldn’t tell you why.

My friend and I called it overwhelming waves of sadness.

That was the only way we knew how to describe it.

I was always heavy. Always exhausted. Always carrying something I couldn’t name. It felt like I was constantly standing at the edge trying to convince myself not to fall in.

Looking back now, I can hardly believe how much my life has changed.

Not because everything is perfect. It isn’t.

But it is so much better than it used to be.

I’m happier now. I laugh more. I experience life lighter. And sometimes I catch myself in moments of ordinary happiness and think about the person who wrote those words above, and I wonder how she made it here.

I know how.

Jesus.

I believe He changed my life.

Not all at once. Not in some dramatic moment where every wound disappeared and everything suddenly made sense.

It was slower than that.

So slow that I didn’t always notice it happening.

But one day, I looked around and realized that the things that once felt unbearably heavy didn’t weigh as much anymore.

The wounds weren’t as raw.

The feelings weren’t as fresh.

The sadness didn’t visit as often.

And somehow, life had become something I wanted to live.

So if you’re somewhere in that season right now, I want you to know something:

Life does get better.

Maybe not immediately, not in the way you expect or all at once.

But feelings change. Seasons pass. Wounds heal.

And sometimes, healing is so gradual that you don’t realize it’s happening until you look back and realize how far you’ve come.

If life feels impossibly heavy right now, please hold on.

You may not be able to imagine a happier version of your life from where you’re standing.

I couldn’t either.

But I’m here now.

And I’m so grateful I stayed long enough to see that life could be different.